"For a lot of women I know, 'getting serious' means 'please don't stick your dick in anyone else and hang out with me sometimes,'" Ana says. For how terrified people are of the "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" label, they seem strangely comfortable with many of the roles that fall just slightly short of it.Īna*, a straight female friend who is currently in the middle of a several-night-stand situation, tells me she believes there's a disconnect between how men and women understand the idea of "getting serious." The recent Reductress article "Are You Dating or Just Friends Who Have Sex and See Each Other 5 Times a Week?" captures the sentiment of the several-night stand so perfectly that I did a nervous Robert Durst burp when I saw the headline. Often there's an imbalance in feelings built on a lack of communication so deep that a year might pass before you realize what's going on and that you hate it. (The several-night stand is not to be confused with the weekend fling, which may also take on the romantic haze of the beginning of a relationship before it evaporates into thin air.) The problem is that the convergence of two people who want this same arrangement, and who can communicate enough to effectively establish it and allow it to exist but not develop into something lopsided, is rare. The theory is sound-many people want the comforts, orgasms, and reliability of a regular hook-up without the inconvenience of having to check in from time to time or engage in hour-long phone calls. Much like communism, these arrangements might work in a fantasy, vacuum-type situation. I'm really busy, so I don't have time to date unless that person just followed me around everywhere and happened to be interested in all the same things as me, or didn't mind if we just didn't see each other for days at a time, which is not usually the case." "I flirt and initiate and don't reach out unless it's a drunk situation or whatever. (That counts as intimacy, yeah?) The several-night stand arises because one person wants a girlfriend or boyfriend for a night, maybe a few times a week.Ī female friend of mine who says she's usually the stereotypical guy in this situation described the several-night stand like this: "You know the person well at this point, so there's no real discovery, but you're infatuated for just a few hours and then it goes away," she says. When you're apart, the intimacy vanishes, save for the occasional post-2 AM Instagram-story remark or a "sorry your cat died" text. When you are together, you feel like you're dating-dating. Read more: 'Platonically' Sleeping in the Same Bed with Someone: Probably CheatingĮnter what my friend and I have dubbed "the several-night stand," a casual and recurring hook-up situation that mimics a relationship but is definitely NOT a relationship because one party recently got out of something long-term or is not looking for anything serious right now or wants to keep doing this without a label? As its name suggests, the several-night stand is like a one-night stand, but takes place over several nights, often over a period of weeks or months. But what if you're one of the apparently growing class of people who want regular intimacy without changing literally any facet of their lives, not even moving their toothbrushes one millimeter so another could fit on the sink? While one-night stands offer the benefit of toothbrush stability and no commitment, they do not, typically, offer routine morning sex or favorable oral odds. The flip side to the one-night stand is, I guess, a stable, long-term relationship, and you go to each other's awful homes for Christmas. Another demographic for which one-night stands fall short? People who want regular intimacy.
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